I had the great pleasure to hear from a woman who joined a Summer exchange program from her South African university with a New York City university. We had engaged with her fellow students in two sessions of learnings from Improvisation and Presence + Impact. Here is what she wrote in her email to me:
Dear Martha,
I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the invaluable time and effort you dedicated to creating the presence checklist for us. What once seemed like an insurmountable challenge has now become a triumph, thanks to our sessions together. I have overcome my fears of public speaking and, for the first time in my life, I genuinely enjoy speaking and allowing myself to be seen by others. This was particularly difficult for me because I used to struggle with seeking approval.
Reflecting on my progress, I had to take a few moments to remember what I used to struggle with, as it has become a distant memory. This shift is a testament to how much I have grown, and I now feel freer and more enthusiastic about speaking and engaging with people.
Currently, I am facing some difficulty with constructing sentences in my head to maintain fluency and flow during conversations. I sometimes feel awkward because I struggle with having enough to say, which might also be why I was quite reserved for much of my life. Could you recommend any books that might help me improve my conversational skills and become more fluent in social interactions?
Thank you once again for your support.
Kind regards,
Bongeka Lushaba, Emerging Markets, Masters’ Program Exchange Student
My response:
Hello Bongeka,
How great it is to hear from you. I am glad that the checklist proved useful for you. Also, it is heartwarming to know that you are able to overcome those things that held you back from being magnificent.
This is wonderful for you to feel freer to speak more in public. It’s important for you to share your wisdom, point of view and insight to the world.
As for recommending a book about conversations, I don’t have something to offer you. However, I will say that the best conversations open up with questions and not statements. Ask instead of Tell.
To create a worthwhile exchange, why not show interest in the other person by asking them to tell you about themselves or their point of view. This allows you to put attention onto them and it builds rapport. Rather than use closed questions that gain one word answers such as what or which, try using open questions that gets the other person to speak and open up. For instance, try how, why, tell me, describe, if…
And then, when the conversation gets going you are in a position to respond to them and their interest in you. It’s a two-way street. It’s like a game of tennis – a volley. Give this a try and let me know how it works for you.
Hello Martha,
I want to express my gratitude for your advice. By using your approach, I’ve been able to reduce my awkwardness in conversations and engage more effectively. I also see people and they now see me and I did struggle with that so much but now I have mastered it.
Meeting you has been a blessing, and your positive impact on my life has made me a better person. Thank you for all your work and dedication to helping others. May God bless you abundantly.
Kind regards, Bongeka
